guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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