you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
