is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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