Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
