Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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