forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
