Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
