Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
