if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
