Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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