Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
