Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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