i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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