A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
