They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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