the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
