who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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