Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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