just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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