Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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