I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
