I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
