If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
