Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize