wakey wakey hands off snakey
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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