Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
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You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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