i always forget guys have bellybuttons
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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