The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
