you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He passed out mid-signature
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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