I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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