eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Randomize
