I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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