the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
