Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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