so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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