I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize