Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
