He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
