the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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