I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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