He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
