She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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