Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
