I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this just has baby written all over it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
