Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
