remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I will be naked everywhere
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
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