Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
