Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
