OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So much Jack, so little girl.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
