I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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