y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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