Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
