Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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