I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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