i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You're like the curious george of whores
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We don't watch enough power rangers
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
