we're blogging at a bar
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
