I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
