I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
