Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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